No one Wants a Chuck and Blair Interrogation
by Cryzzel
Summary: No one wants a Chuck and Blair interrogation. Especially Nate, but unfortunately for him, he had the honors of experiencing it. CB & Neric. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** If I did own it they would be ravishing each other in every episode... and Nate would be faithful to one person!

**Summary: **No one wants a Chuck and Blair interrogation. Especially Nate, but unfortunately for him, he had the honors of experiencing it. CB & Neric.

**A/n:** Yeah. I wrote Neric. Yes. I went there! Muahaha! It's bound to happen!

Thank you to Neyney(JenCourt81) for the beta! Have fun!

XXX

Nate shook his head. He had a long day, that was for sure. He looked at Eric.

"Having Chuck and Blair interrogate you is the worst thing on earth. But want to know something even worse? Having Blair interrogate you without Chuck in the room to control her." Nate said shaking his head.

Eric was getting so amused. He'd gotten Nate's message to hurry over to the Archibald townhouse. He'd had something important to tell him, about _them_, Chuck and Blair.

Now when anyone was forced to refer to Chuck and Blair as _them _with the tone that Nate had employed, Eric was sure that some amusing news was sure to follow. Besides that, Eric wanted to see Nate.

"What happened? What did they do?" Eric asked once he was face-to-face with the other boy.

Nate looked at him, "Well…It started out like this."

XXX

_What happened?_

"Okay, Nate. We have to talk." Blair said, looming over him as Chuck locked the door.

Nate was confused. He'd gotten a text from Chuck asking him to come over to his place. Before he'd barely stepped foot off of the elevator, Nate was being dragged into Chuck's room. All the while, Blair watched him with a fierce expression and Chuck grinning every step of the way.

"Ta…talk? What for?" Nate asked eyeing Blair. His eyes shot across the room to his best friend who hadn't budged from his leaning position by the door, his arms crossing his chest and signature smirk firmly in place.

"You know about what Nate! This is…. This is so…uncalled for!"

Nate got even more confused than he already was. His face was drawing out a blank at what Blair was saying. He looked up at Chuck for help.

His best friend chuckled, "You have to use full sentences with Nathaniel, Blair. Have you forgotten?"

Blair glared at her boyfriend and gave him an overly sweet smile that had nothing to do with humor, "Umm hmmm, do you want me to say no? I haven't forgotten?"

"What? Did you want me to say that I'd get all crazed and jealous if you hadn't?" he asked, pinning her with a look of equal intensity.

Nate always hated to be in the middle of a Chuck and Blair moment. It was always awkward for anyone to be caught in the middle of their "moments". Whether it be affection, anger or even neutrality… being in between Chuck and Blair or the target of one of their little power plays was a prospect that none in their circle enjoyed. It was always best to lie low until the smoke cleared.

"Guys! What the hell are we doing in here?!" he asked, trying his hardest to glare at them, but failing because once he saw Blair's tight, hard expression, he felt the sting of embarrassment at being intimidated by his former childhood sweetheart..

Damn, how in the hell had he managed to date her for more than ten years? Had she always been so domineering and intimidating…where he'd thought her sweet and at times needy. How wrong he'd been. They'd have never really worked out even if he hadn't slept with her best friend and Blair with his.

"WE brought you here--,"

"Actually she did." Chuck threw in.

Blair rolled her eyes at Chuck, then looked back at Nate, "WE, brought you here because of the obvious Nathaniel Archibald!"

Uh-oh, she used his full name. Now Nate got more bugged out than ever. The harder he looked at her face, the more he got it.

Oh shit.

Oh shit. They knew. Or didn't they?

"The… the obvious?" Nate asked, pretending to be as clueless as he can, and succeeding. Nate knew how clueless and lost he looks. It's a defense mechanism, maybe it can get him out of this trouble.

"Don't play dumb Nate. We heard it from the man himself. Or shall I say boy." Blair said, confirming Nate's internal questions. Alarm bells went off in his head and he looked at his best friend who was so very much enjoying this.

He was just glad Chuck was there, if there was any person who could balance out Blair Waldorf's tendancy for going over the top in her pursuits of destruction, it was Chuck Bass.

"How could you Nate?!" Blair started, "Eric?! ERIC?" Blair shook her head and put a hand to her forehead. "You've dated HALF the female population!"

Nate started to retort, pulling on the facts that her current boyfriend had _done _half the female population but Chuck read his expression as only he could. One look from Chuck let him know that he'd be smart to keep his mouth shut on that note if he wanted to keep his balls attached.

"Blair…" Nate started.

"No. No. You're LUCKY…you guys… ki…kissed in private! Somewhere no one could see it. Or Gossip Girl will have a ball!" Blair told him. "DO you know what implications this will have if it came out? Nate! Watch yourself."

"Blair I know you're concerned about me and---,"

"WHAT?" Blair scoffed . "Haha, concerned about you?" she laughed. "Nate, no. I am never concerned about you. I'm concerned about Eric!"

Chuck couldn't help but chuckle and be amused by all this, watching his girlfriend, interrogate his best friend about his stepbrother. He couldn't be more entertained, because Nate looked like he'd gotten caught breaking his mothers' best china. Blair by comparison was a raging bull just waiting for him to say the wrong thing…make the wrong move.

Oh how hewas enjoying this..

"Nate. You slept with my best friend. My bestfriend's boyfriend's best friend. My best friend's boyfriend's sister…."

"You." Chuck threw in lightly, earning a death glare from his beautiful girlfriend.

Nate couldn't help but laugh at the exchange. Trust Chuck to lighten the mood. He was so glad Chuck could make a joke out of that relationship that shouldn't have been.

His and Blair's past was long gone. They did try it once when Blair and Chuck had one of their infamous emotional, knockdown drag out…hate-you-love-you never-want-to-see-you-again, angst-ridden fights. They'd been "over" for real this time and Nate and Vanessa had broken up.

But once they kissed, they sparks that had never been was all the more evident after they'd gone their separate ways and found what their adolescent relationship had been missing with other people. Blair could only feel it with Chuck, which killed her, and he…he couldn't make up his mind what he wanted. Only he and Blair figured out that whatever they needed, it wasn't one another. They cared for one another but it wasn't love…not like it should be. They'd come back together hoping for the comfort and illusions of the past to fall into place but it wasn't right. Not anymore.

"Chuck, really? What are you doing standing there? He's your best friend. You're supposed to be knocking sense into him." She said, hand on her hip.

Chuck smiled and shoved his hands into his pocket, and walked towards them.

"Why? I'm clearly not surprised he's kissing other guys." Chuck told her. Nate whipped his head to look at Chuck. "What?" Chuck asked with a grin, "Really, Nate. It was bound to happen. When? I wouldn't know, but I saw it coming."

This got Nate thinking. He gaped at Chuck for the longest time. He knew Chuck knew him better than he knew himself. Sure, Nate had relations with everyone they knew and some, but was he THAT obvious?

"Yes." Chuck and Blair answered in unison.

Blair nodded, "It's true. You are."

Nate glared at the both of them. They both truly were a match made in wherever the hell they decided to live.

He wished he had the same kind of bond, same relationship that they had with someone else. It was insane how badly he wanted something like that. Still no matter how hard he looked that connection was never present. That serious, honest-to-God soulmate connection. Then he'd stopped and there had been Eric…right there.

Maybe just maybe he had that connection with him?

"Really, Nate? Really? Eric?" Blair asked him, and his attention went back to the beautiful brunette.

"It just happened." Nate said. "Spur of the moment."

"Spur of the moment?!" Blair echoed loudly.

"Wrong answer, Nathaniel." Chuck said, grinning. "Look, we won't be interrogating you if we didn't think this is… possibly harmful to everyone's health." Chuck said as a matter of factly. "But you're… Nate Archibald. You dated everyone under the sun. Blair and I even had a bet that…"

"Wait! Bet?" Nate said in amazement. "You guys bet on me?!"

"Shut up, Archibald, you're in no position to judge." Blair said staring him down.

"You two are unbelievable." Nate muttered.

"Since when were we never? Now look Nathaniel." Chuck continued. "We bet that you would possibly move on to possibly a guy. Since well you do show some of those tendencies. Now I might be partly responsible for that-,"

"Ugh, Chuck." Blair rolled her eyes, "Not everybody wants you. You're heinous."

Chuck turned to look at her with his sexy smoldering eyes, "That's where you're wrong. Everyone wants me. The problem is, you wanted me the most, so how could I refuse such a beautiful vixen?"

Blair hated him. Hated his hold on her. Hated the way he drawled, and the way he looked at her. She blushed pink.

"You wish." She muttered.

"Of course I do." He said simply with a sexy smirk before tending back to his best friend who was staring at the both of them with a tired look.

"Like I said Nathaniel, there's nothing wrong with moving on to guys. Once you felt up all the girls, a guy is the next best thing. And it is definitely a good scenery change but-,"

"But why Eric?" Blair cut in, impatient with her boyfriends tactics on this interrogation. "Eric, Nate! Serena's brother! He's like a brother to me!"

"Which is why you're so overprotective, right?" Nate muttered. From this view most of what he could hear from Blair is RAWR RAWR RA-RAWR.

"Exactly! And he's young! You should know better Nate! Shame on you." Blair said.

Chuck was grinning from ear to ear. "And he's my stepbro. We're just extremely over protective."

"Don't you trust me, man?"

Chuck gave him a telling look and Blair look at him with a raised brow.

"Fine. How did you find out anyway?" Nate asked.

"Eric doesn't hide secrets from me." Chuck told him simply.

"And _he_ doesn't keep secrets from me." Blair told Nate proudly. It was true. Chuck and Blair were almost as into gossip as gossip girl herself but they could hold their secrets when necessary..

Chuck said, "My little brother is excited. He's talked about nothing but…you."

"And it bugged us." Blair ended.

Nate looked at Chuck for help, "Even you?"

Chuck shrugged and put a hand on his shoulder, "You're my best friend Nathaniel and I have your back, but… with your reputation with women and how you pick them up, have a relationship then dump them?" Nate's eyes went wide when Chuck put it that way, making him sound like the biggest jerk on earth.

"You can see where we're coming from. Besides, Eric hasn't had the best of luck with relationships as it stands. When he gets hurt…which happens far too frequently, I've had to step in and…take care of the problem." He smirked evilly, "I'd hate to see my best friend become another one of those…problems."

"Nate, I don't care if you're homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, pan sexual, asexual… whatever sexual, I don't discriminate. But this is Eric, our brother we're talking about here. If you treat him like you treat him like hobo boho Vanessa and wannabe Jenny I swear I'm going to--," Blair couldn't finish her sentence when Nate drew out his hand to stop her.

"Okay! Blair I get it!" he said loudly. Blair was like a fucking lion! He was so confused from kissing another boy, and not just ANY boy. Eric. Someone known to them all. Now everyone was up in arms want to protect their loved one from him…from _Nate. _ Just perfect Nate! You were so asking for this interrogation, he told himself.

Chuck had to slide in between them.

"Start from the top Nathaniel." Chuck said, his hand on Nate's shoulder a bit worried now his friend might break under Blair's pressure. And Chuck knew first hand what a perfect monster Blair could become.

He turned around to look at Blair and whispered, "Blair, I know you care about Eric as much as I do. Cut Nate some slack. He can't handle you quite like I might be able to. No one can…so be nice."

"I'll be nice when I want to be." She smirked back.

God, Chuck loved her so much. It was so much fun being with her. He gave her a quick smirk before looking back at Nate who clearly needed help. Chuck was sorry for his clueless blonde blue-eyed best friend.

"It's your fault you know. Eric and I are spending so much more time together now…especially with you spending every minute with Blair now." Nate started. He looked so lost sitting at the edge of Chuck's bed, fidgeting with his hands.

"Told you it's partly me." Chuck muttered to Blair, who rolled her eyes.

"I come over here, and when I'm waiting for you to come back with wherever you and Blair are I sit down with Eric. And do you know Eric's a good listener?" Nate asked them.

"Yes Nate we do." They both said in unison again.

"And he's a pretty good with the advice…despite how old his is." Nate added.

"He is… light-years beyond his age, that one." Chuck nodded, proud of his stepbrother. He was much more intelligent than his own sister could ever be.

"So we hung out more." Nate said.

"Yes, but when you hang out Nate, you don't go off kissing people!" Blair started again. " Don't you know how to be friends with people without kissing them?!"

Chuck put a hand behind Blair's back and started rubbing her back gently, "Blair." He said, making her stop lunging on Nate and eating him up.

"Hey!" Nate said angrily, his face going read and comical in a way that they couldn't possibly take him seriously. He was so pretty to a point where Nate being angry was just part of an aesthetic complex.

"I know it might come off… bad! Judging by the fact that I dated a lot of people-,"

"A lot of people we know." Blair added.

"But it's not like I did it on purpose. I just fall for people!" Nate said with a sigh. "And Eric is different."

"You said that about Hobo boho girl." Blair narrowed hr eyes.

Nate ignored her, "And unique."

"You said that about jailbait Jenny." Blair could never stop, and Chuck sighed with amusement.

"He's just a great person. And I accidentally kissed him! Eric didn't mind, and I was so very confused then! But it doesn't stop me from kinda liking him." He said sheepishly.

"That's the problem, Eric didn't hate it." Chuck said with a smile. "He was enthusiastic talking about it."

"That's what worries me." Blair said walking closer to Nate. "I don't want you hurting him! He's a sweetheart and the nicest person ever!"

"Geez, Blair. The mother hen act again?" Nate said, and Chuck had to swoop down between them before Blair bit his head off.

"Nathaniel, ahahah, if you want to keep your head in tact, let's lay low on the comebacks." Chuck told him with a wink. "We're just over protective. Eric went through a lot, and a lot of guys were asses to him. And lets not deny you've been an ass a lot before."

Nate sighed. He hated when Chuck had a point. Chuck always had a point. It was funny to realize that someone like Chuck who started out to be such a dick, turned out to be the best person to run to when you need help. Nate sucked as a best friend for not noticing the better sides of Chuck.

And Blair did. He looked at the both of them, they were picture perfect. They were every kind of perfect together. Sure they fought more than anyone else he knew. Their blowouts were infamous…but at the end of the day they still find their way back to each other.

Nate envied them.

In fact, everyone did.

"Listen, I know I've been less than everyone's favorite boyfriend, but I won't hurt Eric. You have my word." He looked up at the both of them.

Chuck smiled, "I believe you man." Chuck said patting Nate's shoulder. "But rest assured we will find out if shit hits the fan." He told Nate.

Blair still had her arms folded, watching Nate with sharp eyes. She didn't believe him. She'd been there, done that with him, and she knew EXACTLY what kind of person Nate is to his girlfriends… or boyfriends or whatever. So she was more wary.

But Chuck shoulder bumped her a little, and she sighed.

"FINE!" she said loudly.

"Essentially Nate, you hurt our little Eric and we will find you." She glowered down on him.

Nate nodded quickly, so it would get Blair off his back… or front. He swore that he'd do anything to avoid another conversation like this one…no more interrogations-Blair Waldorf-style. So he better watch his back. Blair nodded, and turned on her heels out.

Chuck chuckled as he put a hand around Nate's shoulder, "Next time you won't be so lucky. Blair might decide to interrogate you alone next time. And I won't be able to help you at that point."

Nate groaned. He really HAD to tread carefully.

XXX

"She was quite terrifying." Nate told Eric after he finished his story.

Eric laughed, "I can imagine…." He felt so sorry for Nate who had to go through that.

"I don't know how Chuck handles it. I don't know how I handled her all those years." He lamented. "Then again, she wasn't technically herself all those years. I didn't know she could be so scary. Chuck brings out the worst in her." Nate shook his head. Still slightly traumatized from that interrogation.

Eric sighed, "I just told Chuck, but Blair was there with him when I wanted to tell him about it. And I know how Chuck and Blair are close, and they share everything together. So I told them at the same time. I didn't know they'd grab you and interrogate you. Sorry about that." He said, blushing slightly. He had to go have a talk with Chuck and Blair. That was pretty embarrassing.

"No. No." Nate shook his head. "I know why they did it. They were worried about you. So I get it. I understand. You're a great guy, Eric. And they love you so of course they went overboard and overprotective."

"That's an understatement."

Nate laughed, nodding, "It was a nice thing to do…though I wasn't looking at it quite that way at the time." He said, "Blair looked like she wanted to take my head off at least every 5 seconds. Thank god Chuck was there."

Eric laughed and dropped next to Nate on the couch. "I admit, its nice being watched over by the two people no one should mess with." he chuckled.

Nate's blue eyes glinted, "Yeah, it just teaches me to watch myself a bit more." He grinned as he leaned closer for a kiss, "Because I can't deal with another Blair-Chuck interrogation."

"Yeah, who'd want that nightmare?" Eric asked grinning before receiving the kiss.


End file.
